Transferees

The following blogs, from Sutorenjaa until bramblings of an insomniac, are the pieces that I have on my other blog in friendster. I just transferred them here. Yun lang!^_^

Cheers!

“SUTORENJAA”

All through our lives there are people who stay and leaves. Nothing is permanent, the only sad thing is, why is it that all the great things must come to an end much quicker than the bad ones. Friends, lovers, pets as well as loved ones must throw in the towel and declare it a nice bout. When I was younger this thought kept on bugging me, not only until that I am a little bit much older where this thought really made me ponder about people’s simple yet complex take on companionship, friendship and ultimately love for others. It is impossible for someone to be alone and stay alone and be like that for the rest of their lives. One way or another they will crack and open themselves up for a stranger to come in and make their lives worthwhile. Whether or not the stranger brings with him fiery passion, unending friendship, tormenting agony or the ever so rare, enough that it is said that it is non existent, unconditional love we all welcome this with open arms. Being with someone would either make us wish this feeling never ends or meeting that stranger never took place. Which ever of the two one feels; it is for certain that he loved that stranger. Strange I know but this is ultimately the truth behind every tear every smile every pain one feels throughout the course of this waltz. However, there are special cases where someone can tolerate being alone, having no one to depend or simply put being all by himself. For who this person is, I do not know. I do not even know if there is really such a thing a sad fellow he must be.

In life no matter how hard you try to plan the course of your life it is bound to be screwed up in one way or another. The one screwing it for you may come in a really unexpected package or something you really wanted yet do not know yet that you do like it. Although “screwed” is such harsh word to use yet when you think about it is the most appropriate; it is a common expression that had been overused and not received a decent respect for the usage of it, rather than it being a foul word to be used on a piece of writing or everyday conversing, why not use it as a main adjective to depict the state of one’s status, it is simply put a word or an expression where you can immediately put an adjective before or after it. So when I mention that someone screwed up it is understandably not yet over until I place the adjective right before or after it. Hence, your life is to be screwed up in a nice way or in an ever agonizing reality that it is screwed up badly. Whatever plans you may have compose on your head for that specific time you want to do it there are these troublemakers who makes it really difficult for you to proceed with that plan. Who are troublemakers you asked, well who else, these are your friends, lovers and loved ones. These are the strangers that make your life uneasy, tormenting and inconvenient yet so interesting that you cant live without them. These are the strangers where you spend some or a lot of your time with, these are the strangers who makes you ultimately you. Regardless of the time or the duration you spent together, you find yourself incomplete and somewhat lonely when they are not around. Of course ex-lovers are a different story.

witten on April 17, 2008

Full 'o Crap

one day processing and your hiredthat's the tag line when you applyfull o rewards and full o hopebut then again you''re screwed as dope
Shitty crappy and all thats smellytheir words are somewhat blurrygive u a paper they surely willpull you into the game using a reel
crap its really difficult to rhyme when in the first place the one ur rhyming about is something you have a lot of frustrations with, awww crap, ei guys who knows what im talking about don't you feel the same???? i mean c'mon its really unfair right, promise you job immediately and then not live up to their words they're full o crap and i mean that figuratively. my wallets dried out may cards wiped out. just a thought...were bonded to them why arent they bonded to us??? they should atleast provide us an allowance when the start date is moved or replaced with a new one especially if its more than a week right.... so unfair. so frustrating.... so so aaaaah! crap"bato bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit"
-Freedom to express anger in a diplomatic way-

witten on July 22. 2007

Bramblings of a fool

( i wrote this october of 2006 during one of the most craziest decision in my life)
Looking back behind me there are a thousand and one things I would rather not have done and did something else. I dunno what’s wrong with me… or maybe I do but aren’t doing anything about it. When I work I really work I do everything that I can, at least I believe I am, it’s just that when I loose interest I really loose it. Its hard doing something that you know you’re not supposed to be doing, what more knowing that you can do better in something that is your true interest. For years I have quite struggled to finished it but in the end its really wasn’t for me… the funny thing is no matter how you try to avoid or prolong the awkwardness of the impending meeting, fate always intervenes. Fate has a way of slapping you in the face and not being sorry ‘bout it. Fate itself is a bitch! And this I say with a steadfast judgment. Ahhh the bickering and endless sermons I heard during that fateful day. I don’t even know if it’s already finished. I mean there’s still a lot of people who doesn’t know what I did and I know that 90 percent of those people would think I’m crazy, funny because I also thought that I was.
This genre has these batches of attitudes such as the go with the flow guy who always fits in or let say the rebellious kid who thinks he knows what he’s doing, the liberated dude that thinks he’s always right or the fortunate kid who has everything. Who am I in this group? Well I’ll take all four. I tried going with the flow and man do I suck at it. The rebellious kid! Well for those who knew me, shall I say more? The liberated dude yeah I am but not to the extent of exceeding my personal boundaries (I still have my values, at least I think so) and the fortunate kid who has everything, well maybe not everything because it is a proven fact no one has everything. Talk about split personalities but this is ridiculous. Imagine losing your own identity to fit in with different crowds, different situations and different authority figures. If you ask me that simply is hell. So I decided why stick with this kind of system when one can just stand out on his own, and not to worry about whether he fits in or not. Fuck the system yeah (shit I’m sounding like a hippy, peaceJ) but really… fuck it.

L-O-V-E

Have you ever fallen in love???? have you had sleepless nights because your wondering what she's doing? have you ever done something so stupid for her but end up never regretting it? have you ever cared for someone else so much but cannot show her what you trully feel because you know in yourself that you dont know how and are afraid of making a fool of yourself? if you answer yes to all the questions above then you, buddy, have fallen in love without you realizing it, or maybe you did but are to proud of admitting it or then again maybe your faking it(whatever that means) when i say fallen in love i mean the real thing, then again is there a way of telling if its the real thing?, not the one where you just want her because of her great ass or smile or boobs but then again aint all this the first thing we get to notice whenever we see the "one". i mean let's keep it real, picture this, your going thru a market full of geriatric people with one thing in mind ,and that's getting a bargain, when out of nowhere this heavenly creature ,you swear is an angel, is exposed to you by a miraculous gap between all the people in that market and in a flash she vanishes as quickly as she appeared. you're left awe struck with a glint of disbelief and a small drool on the corner of your mouth and a big urge to see her again and possibly talk to her in whatever language her kind uses that your puny brain cannot understand. with that being said you try to catch a glimpse of her again only to find that the one you saw is probably an imagination or a silhouette of your morning glory in the corner of your eye( pretty morning glory huh?) or is she? the following week came up and then out of nowhere there she is again this time speaking to your gramps about the wares her company's selling. you hear her voice ever so soft but powerful, you caught a scent of her hair which you swear is the most beautiful smell you've ever smelled in you entire pathetic life and when finally you get to see her again but this time so close that you thought your dreaming, you brushed your eye just to be sure and true enough she is indeed in front of you with your gramps being able to have done all the talking that is needed for the moment. as your ever makulit na lolo do he tried to introduce you to her but not in a manner you'd be spared with the embarrasment that comes along with it. as she say's hi you bite your tongue in the first sign of decency and shy away playing like your the cool cat. as you walked further away from her you cant help but feel sorry for your ass and for you stupid pride that got in the way. The next morning as you woke up you wish you havent done that or maybe done something else for her to get a positive image of you but you cannot because it has already been done and you cant do anything to return to that moment so instead you vowed to speak to her when an opportunity arise. So came the day of the market, again a lot of people is there with you being a tiny speck of sleepy head among the chaos around. if only they know what kind of chaos is running thru your mind as you get closer and closer to the store in which you saw her. As you got to the store you see her looking way pretty than the last time so in your head you try to look for that particular line that would leave a strong mark of you in her mind and maybe remember your name after having said that. and then she said "hi" in which all you had planned went straight out of the window(if there is one) and your left with nothing but to ignore her once more(damn torpe) as you walked away for the second time you find yourself going around in circles in the market thinking of what's the next step of being such a wuss. You walked and you walked but your not going anywhere so you decided to go home instead in which you did in a matter of minutes. as you got home you lie on the bed and watch tv. to your surprise a romantic love story is on, its like a sign from heaven that you too should make a story of your own but how? as you watched through you learned of ideas on how to look good infront of her. so there you are switching of the tv and on your way to the market once more with her on your mind and the movie which you have seen earlier wishing you got the balls to do the man thing and strike up a conversation that would leave her remembering you. You got to the market looking like a man with a purpose( a purpose not to look like shit infron of her or make a fool of yourself), as you saw her from across the market( in which this time would have less people) you remembered the movie you just saw and formulate an idea of pure lame and such cliche line... as you got to her store she look at you and again said "hi" in the most pleasant voice you have ever heard, its like a salvation given by the heavens to rescue your poor sorry ass. Having formed you resolve you stood firm and took a deep breath and ,hope to the Go'd above that all the things you plan to say wont leave you hanging, opened your mouth to say it... (to be concluded)

written on March 12, 2007

Wake up

Have you ever tried lying in the middle of the road??? you might think im nuts to have asked you this and maybe you're wondering if i have done this myself, the answer is no. im not stupid to do something like that but then again I may have to do it sometimes in the near future to get a taste of the sudden rush of life inside my veins. how many of us live in a preset life? by saying presets is you know, waking up in the morning then going to work then friends then sleep and then waking up again the next morning to do the same thing over and over again. im not complaining cause i too live a lil bit something like this, but then again, dont we all????? how many of us have taken the leap to do something ab-normal ( with that being said i mean ABOVE_normal) it doesnt have to be to the extreme as long as its different from what your always doing everyday, like taking the long way home for instance or ordering a different sort of meal that your always used to having or by simply drinking from the other side of your coffee mug. sometimes going against the flow is as much accepted as beiing with the flow (just dont counter flow man that'd be plain stupid) the thing is theyre just not ready for you, and/or maybe they're jealous of you being able to have done something that they only could imagine(like shouting at your boss/prof/etc). whatever it is to seperate you from the norms of our society and as long as it is within your capability and sanity, do it! just dont over do it! tomorrow as you wake up ask your self what you want to try something new this day and find a way to do it if you cant do it then try something else that is within your capabilities but still new to you and again do it. im being redundant of what im saying so as always i dont have a clue on how to end this so i'll just end it with... "."

Written on March 5, 2007

bramblings of an insomniac

what has been done is done, you may have done the best you could but you've fallen short. you quit and yet you rised again to quit once more. you fail because of your own lack of patience and devotion to what you believe in. you try and try saying to yourself that this is the last time i shall do this but still when all has been done and you cant do anything more, you retreat into you solitary sanctuary of regret and surrender. surrender? you must have trully proven to yourself that you worthless and incapable of doing something great for anyone especially for yourself. not to be mean, but once more you rise up again , only this time having a different mind set and feeling a li'l bit scared but nonetheless confident that you can finish what you are about to begin. you plunge into your work like a knight bearing a lance ready to thrust it into his opponent. with full speed you go, with pure heart you try...and try you did, but did you win? winning is overrated, how would you exactly know that you've won when your battling against an enemy that knows your weaknesses and knows exactly how to wield it against you? how would you determine if you have really beaten that villain if you yourself cannot determine if you have lost. more importantly, how could you have thought to have did something when you havent even move yet??? once again your back into you sanctuary. reflecting what went wrong and what it is your trying to win, the mere essence is pointless.. the mere act, futile. a vicious cycle within yourself is taking place yet you cannot control it, or more likely you dont want to take charge of it. you find flaws n everyone yet you always overlooked yourself. you try to mask the pity u see in urself with boisterous arrogance and resenting attitude. but who are you kidding? in the end with all these negativity you find yourself jaded and restless. such a burden to carry, a task only a few feels, if your one of them you'd see my point but if you are not... then you should thank the heavens above that your previleged to have been spared of this incurable state of mind. i dont know how to end this so i'll just end it with what people have been using for the last thousand years. with a "." .

Written on March 4, 2007