bramblings of an insomniac

what has been done is done, you may have done the best you could but you've fallen short. you quit and yet you rised again to quit once more. you fail because of your own lack of patience and devotion to what you believe in. you try and try saying to yourself that this is the last time i shall do this but still when all has been done and you cant do anything more, you retreat into you solitary sanctuary of regret and surrender. surrender? you must have trully proven to yourself that you worthless and incapable of doing something great for anyone especially for yourself. not to be mean, but once more you rise up again , only this time having a different mind set and feeling a li'l bit scared but nonetheless confident that you can finish what you are about to begin. you plunge into your work like a knight bearing a lance ready to thrust it into his opponent. with full speed you go, with pure heart you try...and try you did, but did you win? winning is overrated, how would you exactly know that you've won when your battling against an enemy that knows your weaknesses and knows exactly how to wield it against you? how would you determine if you have really beaten that villain if you yourself cannot determine if you have lost. more importantly, how could you have thought to have did something when you havent even move yet??? once again your back into you sanctuary. reflecting what went wrong and what it is your trying to win, the mere essence is pointless.. the mere act, futile. a vicious cycle within yourself is taking place yet you cannot control it, or more likely you dont want to take charge of it. you find flaws n everyone yet you always overlooked yourself. you try to mask the pity u see in urself with boisterous arrogance and resenting attitude. but who are you kidding? in the end with all these negativity you find yourself jaded and restless. such a burden to carry, a task only a few feels, if your one of them you'd see my point but if you are not... then you should thank the heavens above that your previleged to have been spared of this incurable state of mind. i dont know how to end this so i'll just end it with what people have been using for the last thousand years. with a "." .

Written on March 4, 2007