Bramblings of a fool

( i wrote this october of 2006 during one of the most craziest decision in my life)
Looking back behind me there are a thousand and one things I would rather not have done and did something else. I dunno what’s wrong with me… or maybe I do but aren’t doing anything about it. When I work I really work I do everything that I can, at least I believe I am, it’s just that when I loose interest I really loose it. Its hard doing something that you know you’re not supposed to be doing, what more knowing that you can do better in something that is your true interest. For years I have quite struggled to finished it but in the end its really wasn’t for me… the funny thing is no matter how you try to avoid or prolong the awkwardness of the impending meeting, fate always intervenes. Fate has a way of slapping you in the face and not being sorry ‘bout it. Fate itself is a bitch! And this I say with a steadfast judgment. Ahhh the bickering and endless sermons I heard during that fateful day. I don’t even know if it’s already finished. I mean there’s still a lot of people who doesn’t know what I did and I know that 90 percent of those people would think I’m crazy, funny because I also thought that I was.
This genre has these batches of attitudes such as the go with the flow guy who always fits in or let say the rebellious kid who thinks he knows what he’s doing, the liberated dude that thinks he’s always right or the fortunate kid who has everything. Who am I in this group? Well I’ll take all four. I tried going with the flow and man do I suck at it. The rebellious kid! Well for those who knew me, shall I say more? The liberated dude yeah I am but not to the extent of exceeding my personal boundaries (I still have my values, at least I think so) and the fortunate kid who has everything, well maybe not everything because it is a proven fact no one has everything. Talk about split personalities but this is ridiculous. Imagine losing your own identity to fit in with different crowds, different situations and different authority figures. If you ask me that simply is hell. So I decided why stick with this kind of system when one can just stand out on his own, and not to worry about whether he fits in or not. Fuck the system yeah (shit I’m sounding like a hippy, peaceJ) but really… fuck it.